The Reason

For most of my life, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a mother.

As a look back on the reasons why I thought that, I came to these conclusions:

1. I was scared that I wouldn't be a good one.

2. I didn't know what direction my life was going in and having a baby didn't look like it was on the map at all, at least for awhile.

3. I didn't have a reason to have a baby.

I have a reason now, I have so many reasons, but my main reason is him.

The man in these photos that's making me smile from ear to ear and giggling like a child eating ice cream when they're not suppose to be. The love of my life and lifetimes of existing, Eric.

Our relationship is built off of love, laughter, playfulness and respect for one another (of course we have our mood swings with one another, if you know what I'm saying, lol) but I'm completely obsessed with who he is and who he's helped me become.

He's completely demolished all of my fears and blocks about becoming a mother and in return, that's all that I want to become, a mother.

but becoming a mother is much harder that I or he expected and much harder than society projects it to be and that the reason why writing this blog.. because for some its hard, really fucking hard and heartbreaking, and unexpected but also so beautiful.

So, here it goes, little by little, month by month, false pregnancy test after false pregnancy test, tears, struggles and all ..

my unexpected journey to becoming a mother